In my communication and media trainings there is no escaping one particular exercise: The anecdote. Participants are instructed to tell a story about an important moment in their life, which especially touched them. Without exception they surprise us, not only with their unique story-telling technique, but also with the poignant, often touching moments, which made a deep impression on their lives.
While telling these stories, their body language, voice, gestures and facial expressions display aspects of their unique personality and its authenticity in a most natural way. So over the years I have had the privilege to hear and film people from all walks of life, as they speak of these magic moments and to marvel at amazing stories about love, adventure, birth, life or death.
It has become increasingly clear to me during my past years as a coach, how very deeply these important moments are interwoven with our personality. And that the benefit of consciously working with them goes far beyond the valuable insights we gain for our presentation skills. We don’t experience such moments every day, but if we look back on our life, we see that they occurred again and again. And that they are connected to each other, like an invisible string of pearls. Together they allow us to recognise the «red thread» in our life.
In his «Intensive Journal Program» psychologist Ira Progoff (1921-1998) describes the process with which we can study the milestones of our life, in order to gain insight into our personality or a specific problem. “We go back into our past,» he says «in order to be able to leap forward into our future.»
We are challenged to intuitively chart the important moments or events of our life in a kind of mind map. According to Progoff these moments or «steppingstones» are connected to other stones, (not necessarily chronologically) forming something like an underground stream, which can give us clues to the direction and purpose of our journey.
«In our work with Steppingstones», says Progoff «we draw out of the jumbled mass of our life experiences the thin, elusive connective threads that carry our potentials toward a fuller unfolding.»
So what exactly makes a «magic moment» ? This question is also often asked in our trainings. The main hallmark is that the moment was accompanied by strong emotions. Often it is characterised by a kind of «slow motion» experience – as if an invisible film director were slowing down the scene in order to make us notice that something important is about to happen. Or that all backgrounds and noises fade out and only one element remains in focus. In any case they are unforgettable experiences which in many instances led us to make life-changing decisions.
I spent my childhood in four different countries. This did not instill any kind of a sense of belonging or feeling of having roots in any particular place. When at the age of eighteen I was planning to visit my old friends and family in Germany, I stopped over on the way to visit an American friend in London. After several sightseeing tours with my friend, I set off into the city alone and wandered around the area surrounding Westminster Abbey. As I turned off into a side-street in the theatre district, I was overwhelmed by an unknown feeling. It was as though time stood still. As my feet touched the ground, it felt like the ground was welcoming them as I walked. The paths, sounds, smells and visual images seemed to flow together into something comfortingly familiar. I had somehow fallen in love with London as though it were a human being.
In that moment I knew this was where I wanted to live. I soon changed all my plans and moved to London six months later and England became my home for the next twenty years.
In my string of pearls the moments were often in connection with countries, places and cultures, as though this was on some level my overarching theme. Sometimes our steppingstones – or important moments – have the effect of instilling strengths or talents we may never otherwise have looked for – as in my case 'tolerance’ for other cultures and ways of life. Working on our important life experiences in coaching often makes us aware of abilities that might otherwise have gone unnoticed.
Although we think we know ourselves quite well, the conscious study of our own biography invariably surprises us with new insights. This in turn not only inspires us, but also strengthens our conviction of the interconnectedness of life and of the underground stream, which seems to know exactly where the journey needs to go.
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